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On the rack

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BY SCOTT HOLLIFIELD MEDIA GENERAL NEWS SERVICE

Media General News Service

Published: October 28, 2009

Last week's column, in which I described in vivid detail the theft of one our newspaper racks, my comically heroic efforts to recover it from behind a grocery store and the debilitating back injury I suffered while loading its remains onto a truck, drew much sympathy from readers.

"Serves you right," said one. "Considering what's in newspapers these days, they ought to give the thief a medal," said another.

Yes, the public was on the side of a brave, dedicated guardian of the First Amendment who probably should have paid more attention to the proper-lifting portion of the safety video.

Then Balloon Boy burst onto the scene. A nation watched spellbound as a homemade, helium-filled "flying saucer" streaked across the Colorado sky, purportedly with a 6-year-old child aboard, only to be sucker-punched in a hoax perpetrated by a family - or at least a dad - seeking reality-show fame.

Suddenly, speculation that I faked the rack theft grew so intense, I was forced to conduct a hard-hitting interview with myself to set the record straight:

"Scott, your saga of the stolen newspaper rack captivated an entire nation. Rumors are swirling, however, that you staged the much-talked about incident in an effort to land a reality show in which you and a trained chimp named Professor BoBo travel the country in a high-tech van solving newspaper-related crimes."

"That's ridiculous. One of our newspaper racks was stolen and I wrote a column about the absurdity of someone stealing a newspaper rack, considering the paltry return on his or her effort. And I hurt my back. End of story."

"Thank you for your time, Scott. Stay tuned for Larry King, whose guests include Professor Bobo's attorney, a first-grader who once made Balloon Boy snort chocolate milk out of his nose and James Carville."

Whew! Glad I could clear that up.

Scott Hollifield is editor and general manager of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C.

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