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BY SCOTT HOLLIFIELD

MEDIA GENERAL NEWS SERVICE

Published: October 21, 2009

After someone stole one of our newspaper racks and left its dented carcass behind a grocery store, I compiled a list of reasons not to steal a newspaper rack and leave its dented carcass behind a grocery store in an effort to discourage future crimes of this nature.

•The editor will have to retrieve the stolen newspaper rack and will inevitably injure his back doing so.

With the downturn in the industry, newspapers across the country have been forced to eliminate entire departments, such as the Retrieving Stolen Racks from Behind Grocery Stores Department. In my case, that duty, along with fixing the broken commode handle in the women's restroom, fell to me.

•Stealing a newspaper rack, if the intent is to pocket the change within, is a lot of work for little return. First, it is heavy. I can attest to that. Also, almost any legitimate job, aside from actually working at a newspaper, offers more return for less work than stealing a newspaper rack.

•It's a sin. Remember "Thou shalt not steal"? I thought so. Some biblical scholars say it originally read "Thou shalt not steal newspaper racks" but was edited for space.

•It deprives others in the community of important news.

"I went down to the store to get a paper because Maw-Maw called and said Uncle Willard's giant turnip was on the front page, but the rack was gone."

•The police have better things to do than canvass the neighborhood searching for a stolen newspaper rack. "Let's put the homicide and the missing kid on the backburner for now. I want that rack found before this city explodes."

•Public floggings aren't fun. For the flogee, that is. Everybody else has a pretty good time.

Scott Hollifield is editor and general manager of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C.

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