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By Mark  Schantz | The Suncoast News

Published: November 7, 2009

I was thinking how much fun it must be to write proverbs or cookie fortunes. Penning quick, simple, aphorisms, true or not, would be so much fun and stress free. I'm not thinking of one of those sappy greeting card writers, but rather those wits who unravel the meaning of life in a few words.

I like, for example, the one anonymous wit's reworking of the aphorism usually attributed to Lao Tzu, that whacky founder of Taoism: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Give a man a fully charged electric eel and he'll never bother you for anything else ever again."

Or as someone - maybe Einstein, maybe John Archibald Wheeler, maybe Woody Allen - noted, "Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

I penned a truism that warned, "Never date anyone who wears too much hair mousse." It's not too heavy a thought but it's helpful. And "never underestimate someone's ability to make the exactly wrong choice, every time." This adage helps people avoid disappointment.

I also said, "A busybody is God's way of telling us the devil comes in several shapes, sizes and a print dress." None have been picked up by editors of familiar quotation books, perhaps because they are too new.

I like H.L. Mencken's saying, which still rings true about life in America today, "Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

As Groucho probably told Woody and Dick Cavett over lunch, "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing; if you can fake that, you've got it made."

I Like the W.C. Fields maxim "Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump." Which to me says really dumb people won't mind being taken advantage of because they don't know they're being had.

George Bernard Show also said words that ring true today: "Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."

But even more intriguing is this quote: "The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." Roman philosopher and statesman Marcus Tullius Cicero said that in 55 B.C. On the other hand, Cicero was stabbed to death and beheaded 12 years later, so what did he know?

As the year wanders to an end it could be fun to pen a witty saying about the past or the future. You can e-mail it to me and see if it gets mentioned in a future column.

Mark Schantz can be reached at 727-815-1075 or mschantz@suncoastnews.com.

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