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Suncoast Pasco News

Time to talk

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By KLINT LOWRY | The Suncoast News

Published: May 27, 2009

With even the youngest baby boomers now well into their 40s, millions of people in this country are facing the realities of aging.

And it's not the just angst of seeing their own hairlines recede as their waistlines expand, but more serious aging issues with their parents: Can they still drive a car safely? Do they remember to take their medications? Are they feeding themselves properly?

In short, can they take care of themselves anymore? Often, adult children find it difficult to discuss these topics with their elderly parents.

"No one really has a true appreciation until it hits them personally," said Joy Cook, owner of the Home Instead Senior Care franchise in New Port Richey.

Home Instead Senior Care is a network of locally owned franchise offices that provide seniors with companionship and nonmedical assistance with everything from household chores to getting around town.

In January, Home Instead Senior Care launched a public education campaign called the "40-70 Rule," designed to help adult children begin to discuss these difficult issues with their parents.

The company conducted an independent survey that showed nearly one-third of adults in the U.S. have a major communication obstacle with their parents. For many, it is hard to break out of the parent-child role, even when the child is old enough to be a grandparent. For others, the problems may be more issue-specific - suggesting to an elderly parent they shouldn't live alone anymore or that it may be time to give up the car keys.

"That is a tough area because here locally we don't have the best public transportation system in place," Cook said. "That car really represents their independence."

Dr. Jake Harwood, author and communication professor from the University of Arizona and former director of that school's graduate program in gerontology, helped turn the data from the study into the 40/70 Rule, available online at http://www.4070talk.com or in pamphlet form at Home instead Senior Care offices.

"The '40/70 Rule' means that if you are 40, or your parents are 70, it's time to start the conversation about some of these difficult topics," Cook said.

Because they are uncomfortable, people often wait until there is an incident before bringing up the subject of independence.

"The whole purpose behind this pamphlet is to start conversations before the crisis is at hand," Cook said. "You just want to have an unemotionally charged conversation with your loved one."

The pamphlet offers suggestions on general approaches and attitudes to take in starting such conversations, while also addressing specific subjects, including "The medication quagmire," "Is mom safe at home?" and "When dad starts to date."

The pamphlet actually has two "front" covers. On one side, it says the 40/70 Rule. On the other it says the 70/40 Rule because it can be just as difficult for elderly parents who want to discuss these issues to overcome the lifelong dynamics of their relationships with their children, Cook said. Some try to hide problems because they don't want their children to worry; others fear losing their independence.

The pamphlet offers comparable advice to seniors on how to open the lines of communication. It also provides a guide for preparing a "Life Legacies pre-planning checklist," that lists utility companies, banks, investments, safe deposit boxes and includes information on power of attorney, funeral arrangements, what to do with pets and other instructions.

Copies of the 40/70 Rule are available at the Home Instead Senior care office in New Port Richey, 7716 Massachusetts Ave., or by calling 727-845-5819.

Klint Lowry can be reached at 727-815-1067 or at klowry@suncoastnews.com.

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