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Woman Chronicles Abusive Relationship

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By Cheryl  Bentley | The Suncoast News

Published: March 11, 2009

The light switch in the New Port Richey home of Evelynne Rosario has a special meaning. She stood next to it for 23 minutes while her ex-husband held a knife to her throat.

She knows the exact number of minutes, Rosario says, because a clock hangs on the opposite wall. With the cold metal on her neck, she could do nothing but watch the minutes tick away.

Today, the husband is gone. Rosario has made progress in ferreting out the psychological factors that drew her to him for two decades. She is the author of "Finally Free from Hell," a self-published book that deals with the causes of her abusive relationship.

To help other women in similar circumstances, Rosario has founded Invincible Women Sorority. The group received its nonprofit status Feb. 23 and will present "Saving Our Sisters," a day-long event for women in Tarpon Springs on Saturday, March 21.

The first thing Rosario wants you to know is she is strong. Many women in abusive relationships are independent and successful in other parts of their lives, she notes. She brings out two letters from the principal of Rafael Hernandez Bilingual School in the Bronx, where Rosario was president of the PTA.

According to the letters, Rosario was instrumental in helping move the school from last place in academics toward the median for New York City schools. In recognition of the improvement, then-U.S. Secretary of Education William Bennett visited the school. Additionally, Rosario was among the school's movers and shakers who flew to Puerto Rico to discuss educational reform.

But even powerhouses can be abused women, Rosario notes. Her relationship with her ex-husband was a series of beatings and threats followed by periods of peace when her husband promised to get help.

"When he was not angry, he was an awesome man," she recalls.

According to her book, the abuse lasted for almost 20 years. It included a 29-day stay in the hospital just before her daughter Debonnaire, now 16, was born. Rosario refused to press charges.

Through college classes, Rosario began to recognize her codependency. Codependency is a psychological term for compulsively sacrificing personal values and interests to avoid upsetting a special person.

The term was popularized by the 1987 bestseller "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

"Emotionally, you don't matter," is how Rosario defines codependence. "Your goal is to keep him happy because his happiness produces your own." The condition is not limited to romantic relationships, she notes. It can occur in relationships with children, friends, co-workers and others.

Codependence is an addiction and is hard to break because another person is also involved, she says.

Her own codependence finally petered out, when her ex-husband screamed for her son to bash in Rosario's head with a baseball bat. "Little by little, I was snapping at that rubber band. That was the final snap. I had had enough."

These days, Rosario lives in New Port Richey and is a loan officer assistant.

Her psychological freedom is precious, she observes, and she wants to share the gift of insight she has achieved by helping others. The only charge for the March 21 event is the price of Rosario's book at $19.95.

"We're hoping when they read the book, they will see their reflection in my mirror and say, 'I can get out,'" she says of abused women.

No one, however, will be turned away because of lack of funds. According to the Web site, there will also be workshops on health, beauty and finances.

To register and for more information, visit www.iwsorority.org. Those without computers may register by writing to Invincible Women Sorority, P. O. Box 1497, Elfers, FL 34680.

Cheryl Bentley can be reached at 727-815-1069 or cbentley@suncoastnews.com.

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