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Derriere danger

The Tampa Tribune

Published: June 11, 2008

The following is a public service announcement.

Hi kids. Your great-grandma cut this out of the newspaper - that's the thing people read before the Internet - and sent it to you through the Postal Service - that's the thing people used before e-mail - because she wants me, a regionally known media personality, to warn you about the terrible dangers of mooning.

I'm talking, or rather writing - that's the thing people did before text messaging - about something you may have thought about doing or have already done: Showing your backside for the amusement and/or horror of others.

Harmless prank? Nothing could be further from the truth.

Consider this story from The Associated Press .

A 21-year-old Dutch man is recovering from severe injuries to his backside after a tragic mooning accident. He and a friend dropped their pants "as a joke," according to the AP story, and scampered down a street in Utrecht - presumably in wooden shoes on their way to plug a leaky dike.

The man decided to push his own netherlands against a window of a restaurant for the amusement and/or horror of others.

The window shattered and the man suffered "deep wounds to his derriere," said the story, which was sent to me by a reader who was apparently Googling the word "derriere."

That's right, kids. It's all fun and games until someone suffers deep wounds to his derriere.

"Ruud, let me say that I was extremely impressed by your resume and interview skills, and I believe I am looking at the next junior executive of the First National Bank of the Netherlands. Just one more question. Have you ever pressed your bare backside firmly against the window of a restaurant, only to have it shatter and inflict deep wounds to your derriere?"

Mooning is not cool. It is not hip. It is not the schnizzle. It's something 21-year-old Dutch morons do so I'll have something to write about in the newspaper that your great-grandma reads.

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